So there I was, standing in my school hallway, with all my books in hand. My satchel bag was slung across my shoulder holding my laptop and notes. The hall was bustling with its usual activity but I didn’t really notice. I think that was one of the days where I didn’t really care too much about anything. I just stood there for a long while, trying to figure out why I was even there. It’s not that I don’t remember what my degree was, or which class I had at what time, rather it was more than that. It was me seeking my purpose and reason behind doing this degree. I was pursuing my LLB degree at the best University in my country. I had gotten my acceptance letter in the midst of some of my other friends getting declined. They wanted it so much more than I did at the time. I felt guilty for having taken up a space that would be much more valued had it been given to one of them. Everything happens for a reason right? So I got over that hurdle and pursued my degree for the first year without complaint. I fell in love with it. It gave me hope and a purpose. Justice- justice was my purpose.
On the eve of my second year in this three year adventure, I began seriously questioning why I was doing this degree again. Maybe it was just to prove to all those people that I am worth something and that I can and will be a good lawyer. Maybe. However what I realized is that you can’t just get up one day and say that you’re going to be good at something. You need to persevere. You need to want it, and want it so bad that absolutely nothing could phase you. Not even those remarks from your uncles who ask if you’re sure you won’t cry in front of the judges in court. Not even those who say that you can’t handle the work load — that it’s too much; and absolutely not those who say that you’re not smart enough.
While I am aware of these thing, I can’t help but question myself and my abilities. There are those who could formulate their arguments so flawlessly. Those who aren’t afraid to speak up. Those who voice their opinions. I want to be like them, but something holds me back. I question whether I’m good enough, whether my views even make sense. I wonder how they do it so effortlessly. I wish I could do that as well.
While I stood there thinking all this through, something caught my attention through the spacing in the walls in the grass beyond the building. I dashed to see what it was. There were four little puppies scuttling about, enjoying the lushness of the grass. I peered around for their mother who was no doubt somewhere keeping a watchful eye on them. She lay serenely on part of the sidewalk, her focus on her little cubs. There was a wire mesh separating the different types of flowers. The puppies had the brilliant idea to jump into the patch of purple Campanulas. Three of the brown and white puppies effectively maneuvered their way over. The last puppy remained, peering at his brothers and sisters on the other side. He just stood there, stricken in his pose. The other three kept making what I assumed to be encouraging sounds for him to jump over like the rest had. To take that risk and to join them on the other side.
I was totally intrigued now and half of me wanted to just go pick up the puppy and place him with his siblings. I resisted. I wanted to observe what would happen. Maybe he would just find it too difficult and give up. Or maybe his siblings would jump over again and stay with him on the safe side.
The little puppy paced the small length of the fence. It’s mother was looking on calmly, throwing her occasionally bark and them. I decided that I would call the timid puppy Timmy. So I watched Timmy for a few more seconds, while he purred and jabbed at the wire mesh and then I had enough. It was painful to see how he was struggling to get over the mesh while all his siblings had no problems doing it.
I began walking closer to the scene knowing exactly what I was going to do. I saw no need for Timmy to suffer like that and I was going to pick him up and place him with the rest. He would be happier that way.
However, before I could even reach them, Timmy did the most amazing thing and I stopped in my tracks. He jumped over! He just took a leap of faith and jumped! He landed crouched close to the ground and stayed there for a few seconds. When he realized that he was okay, he straightened up and stood proud on all fours. His siblings were barking their congratulations at him. I felt so proud of him and how he over came his fear. All four puppies began jumping to and fro over the mesh.
Just like how Timmy overcame his fear, and jumped over the mesh, I had renewed hope that day that I could also jump over my hurdles and become a great lawyer. I could get over all the wire meshes I wanted to. All I needed to do was to trust myself, and take a leap of faith!
My friend Anthony was at my side the , “Hey, what are you up to?”
“Oh nothing, I’m just gonna conquer the world, one wire mesh at a time!” I confidently stated.
“Huh?” was Anthony’s reply
I smiled as I led the way to our next class, thinking about my new friend, Timmy.